I haven't talked much about my role as a stepmother and I haven't talked too terribly much about our situation since the kids came to live with us in September 2013, but I have decided that I am ready to talk about it. So, from time to time you might see updates such as this one. Just little glimpses into the crazy world of being a Step-Mom and most often a Step-Monster (of course not on purpose).
This job/role that I have been given is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. My life as a stepmother is very lonely at times, it is draining, and never rewarding.
The last 9 Months of my life have been a roller coaster. There have been times when all 5 of us are happy and having a good time. Then there are times when every single kid is in trouble for one reason or another.
But something I have to remember is that these kids have a Mom and a Dad. It is THEIR ultimate responsibility to make sure their children grow up and survive spiritually, socially, mentally, emotionally, physically, etc and become a productive member of society.
So then, I ask myself, what is my job as a Step-Mom? I have become a parent, not a Mom. I have these kids in my home the majority of the year. How do I continue to be me and assist my husband in parenting these 3 kids that don't want to be here? The only 3 words that come to mind are God's GRACE, MERCY & PATIENCE. I confess that I have done a horrible job of displaying His Grace, His Mercy, and His Patience. However, I will continue to repent and pray for Grace, Mercy, and Patience.
I have learned that I must lead by example. I cannot make these 3 kids respect me or even care about me. I can't make anyone do anything. But I can, by my character, influence them to be more accepting and/or respectful.
I have also learned that a large part of being a Stepmother is very lonely. There are so many personal struggles that are dealt with on your own. Between me and God. And that is hard. Swallowing your pride and admitting to yourself that you are not in control. That you cannot change people. That not only can you not change people but you have to accept those things you can't change! I'm still working on that one. Hopefully this summer, with a break from the kids, will give me time to reflect and change what I can with God's help!
"Lord, what I need is your strength and a new attitude. You say that you will take my hard heart and make it into one that's soft and loving. And you say you will put your spirit inside of me to provide wisdom and truth. I desperately long for your guidance -- your ways. Help me to discern when it's wise and right for me to speak up and when to keep silent. Give my husband eyes and a heart to see and understand the situation clearly. Teach him how to stand beside me and still love his kids.
Thank you for loving me, even when I feel all alone."
~ Ron L. Deal & Laura Petherbridge
"The Smart Stepmom"
by His Grace,
SH
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