The kids moved in Labor Day weekend 2013. The Tuesday after, we enrolled all 3 in school. The 2013 - 2014 school year went pretty well. All kids passed and with very acceptable grades. :) Then summer came along..... They went to spend 6 weeks {not consecutive} with their Mother in El Dorado, AR {"home"}. We had very mixed feelings about this, but had no choice in the matter. We knew that all the progress that we had made over the last 9 months was about to just fly out the window, but at the same time we needed a break!
Let's skip ahead a little to when the kids returned from summer vacation.......Not only had all of the progress we had made during the school year disappear, all 3 kids were worse than when they moved in on Labor Day. The most trustworthy of the 3 {the oldest} was now lying all the time, being sneaky & secretive. The middle child's disrespectfulness had grown by leaps and bounds. And the youngest, wow, I don't even know what to say about his regression after summer vacation. He had fears of things that he had never had before, habits that had newly developed and were horrible! I honestly don't know what else to say about it to explain the behavior. We were beside ourselves and didn't know what to do. Of course, the 2 youngest were in counseling before the summer break and when they returned that started back up immediately.
So now we are in the 2014 - 2015 school year. I think I would take 2013 into 2014 back over this year any day. Just a short recap for those of you that don't know what's be going on {and please hang in there with me, this is NOT a pity party}:
- Tim changed job's in April 2014
- I got fired from my job in June 2014; got a new job in June 2014 - quit in Aug. 2014
- I have not been gainfully employed since August 2014 (7 months)
- All 3 kids started going to counseling every other week on a regular basis - seeing no results yet.
- Kids Mother filed for change of custody
- Went to court - Mother wasn't prepared therefore was awarded a continuance
- As of today we have let our lawyer {who we really like} go b/c we can't afford him anymore.
The last point might be the most shocking to most of you. After much conversation, Tim and I decided that we simply cannot continue on with a lawyer. We simply cannot afford it. For those of you that don't know, Child Custody cases tend to be some of the most expensive court cases. If I disclosed to you how much we have been billed so far you wouldn't be able to pick your jaw up off the floor.
I know that a lot of you are asking, "So what will happen to the kids?". And very frankly, we don't know. If their Mother continues with the petition for change of custody and the Judge accepts the petition, then we will represent ourselves in court. We will be the defendants, therefore it is her burden to prove "a substantial change in circumstances" since the kids moved here. We would only have to state facts about the kids living with us. Which would not be hard for us to do. I make notes about everything.
On the other hand, the Judge could rule in her favor. That would mean that the kids go back to El Dorado. To be 100% honest, we would just have to live with that {and we don't think that would happen}.
Our mission from day one has always been to make sure that these 3 kids become healthy {physically and mentally}, successful, productive, independent adults that can go to college and make it in this world. But we have been undermined and sabotaged every step of the way by their Mother and by them. Something will has to change.
I truly wish that one person I know {and know well} could come live in my house for a week just so I know that I'm not crazy. Beard and I both are so overwhelmed that we are almost at a standstill {if that makes sense}. But, there are truths that we know.......and that do encourage us along the way when we remember them. :)
GOD IS GOOD. We know this. This is the only promise that we know is true right now and that we can cling to. It is hard to believe at times. It is hard to understand that He is has a plan. Everything feels so chaotic and out of control. "But God....."
I was reading in Lamentations chapter 3 this morning and the author writes:
"..though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the
abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not willingly afflict or grieve
the children of men." v.32-33
This passage brings so many days of my life into view. Verse 17, "I have forgotten what happiness is;" -- This is me!! There are so many times that I think about Memphis and Tim & I living in our little house by the park. We were so happy. I was so happy! I think of our friends, family and all the relationships we had/have in Memphis. I wonder so often if our situation right now would be any easier if we were back home. My heart aches to be back in Memphis. But there must be a reason the Lord wants me here. I just haven't figured out what that reason is yet. :) There is one thing I do know...I have hope because in verse 21 he says, "But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope;" and we all know what verses 22-24 say,
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion" says my soul,
therefore I will hope in him."
I am learning, and it is definitely a process, that the "but" in verse 21 is the probably the most important part of this chapter. It is the turning point, the climax of the chapter. This tells me to REMEMBER God's promises! I need to remember what he has done for me in the past. I need remember what I have seen him do for others. In spite of the lion that is lying in wait for me, this I call to mind and have hope, GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS! God is so much bigger than I ever give him credit for.
I want to end with a request. Please pray for our family. Please pray that God will lead us in His Will. Pray for protection over the kids. And please pray for the softening of our hearts so they may not be harden by the evil that is taking place around us.
We love you, dear family and friends, and we miss you dearly.
"If I venture forth alone I stumble and fall,
but on the beloved's arms I am firm as the eternal hills;
Be thou my arm to support,
my strength to stand, my light to see,
my feet to run, my shield to protect,
my sword to repel, my sun to warm."
~Valley of Vision
by His Amazing Grace
sh
