2015

Looking back over 2015 I am reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness yet again. Although, God's love is steadfast and His grace is abounding,  our lives are not without challenges and struggles. All of these challenges and struggles, I am learning, are to point us back to the One to who made us. The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. The One who we call Wonderful Counselor, Almighty King, Prince of Peace and Everlasting Father. His Kingdom shall have no end. I hope to continue to find hope and peace in the fact that I am not in control. That the Almighty King reigns and will reign forevermore!

I am continually thankful for these blessings God had bestowed upon me in order to teach me about his abounding grace and his steadfast love.

Happy New Year, From the Harpers!!

by His Grace alone, 

Sh

Entering Year #3

I can't believe how fast time flies. I know that is such a cliche, but it is so true. Beard and I have had the kids now for 2 full years and we are entering our 3rd year. We now have a 16 year old, 14 year old, and a 12 year old. Can you believe that?! Sometimes I can't believe it.
The past 2 years have been tough. As we begin year #3 it appears that this one will be no different. We have kids that are in the 11th grade, 8th grade and the 7th grade. We have TEENAGERS!!! As if teenagers aren't hard enough, we have our own unique struggles. But then again, doesn't everyone?

I know that it has been a while since I have "updated" everyone, so here is a very quick update. The kid's biological mother took us to court over the summer in an attempt to regain sole custody. She failed to prove "a substantial change in circumstances" (for the better, in her situation). All 3 kids wanted to testify. They did, against our wishes. However, the Judge still ruled in our favor. He was able to see how well they are doing overall, in school, and health. I have to admit it was nice to have some affirmation from the Judge (and objective source) that we are doing what we need to be doing.

So often in day to day life I feel like we are not making any headway. I feel we are just beating our heads against a wall. Beard and I met with the attorney ad litem (the attorney that speaks on behalf of the children) multiple times before our court hearing. Often he would ask us if we saw any changes at all in the children from the 1st court hearing to now. Even small ones. It was a great question and good one to make us reflect on the small things. Thankfully, the answer his yes. We do see small changes and we see that we are making headway. It is hard to remember those things when we are "in the thick of it" every day. As always, God's grace and goodness prevails!

As time goes on, my struggles as a Stepmother tend to be the same as before, trusting God and knowing that He is in control and I am not, trusting my husband and supporting the decisions that he makes for our family, and resting in God's grace and goodness. I don't think these struggles are ones that I will ever "overcome", but hopefully I will learn to rest and trust more readily.

"Lord, what I need is your strength and a new attitude. You say that you will take my hard heart and make it into one that's soft and loving. And you say you will put your spirit inside of me to provide wisdom and truth. I desperately long for your guidance -- your ways. Help me to discern when it's wise and right for me to speak up and when to keep silent. Give my husband eyes and a heart to see and understand the situation clearly. Teach him how to stand beside me and still love his kids. 
Thank you for loving me, even when I feel all alone."
~ Ron L. Deal & Laura Petherbridge
"The Smart Stepmom"

By God's Grace, 
sh

A Harper Update

Hey y'all - I felt it was about time to update my friends and family on the actual goings on in the Harper Household. As most of you, know we have had custody of Tim's children since August 2013. I began to share the loooonnnggg story of that journey here but life got in the way and Part 2 of the journey never got posted. So here is a much needed update.

The kids moved in Labor Day weekend 2013. The Tuesday after, we enrolled all 3 in school. The 2013 - 2014 school year went pretty well. All kids passed and with very acceptable grades. :) Then summer came along..... They went to spend 6 weeks {not consecutive} with their Mother in El Dorado, AR {"home"}. We had very mixed feelings about this, but had no choice in the matter. We knew that all the progress that we had made over the last 9 months was about to just fly out the window, but at the same time we needed a break!

Let's skip ahead a little to when the kids returned from summer vacation.......Not only had all of the progress we had made during the school year disappear, all 3 kids were worse than when they moved in on Labor Day. The most trustworthy of the 3 {the oldest} was now lying all the time, being sneaky & secretive. The middle child's disrespectfulness had grown by leaps and bounds. And the youngest, wow, I don't even know what to say about his regression after summer vacation. He had fears of things that he had never had before, habits that had newly developed and were horrible! I honestly don't know what else to say about it to explain the behavior. We were beside ourselves and didn't know what to do. Of course, the 2 youngest were in counseling before the summer break and when they returned that started back up immediately.

So now we are in the 2014 - 2015 school year. I think I would take 2013 into 2014 back over this year any day. Just a short recap for those of you that don't know what's be going on {and please hang in there with me, this is NOT a pity party}:

• Tim changed job's in April 2014
• I got fired from my job in June 2014; got a new job in June 2014 - quit in Aug. 2014
• I have not been gainfully employed since August 2014 (7 months) 
• All 3 kids started going to counseling every other week on a regular basis - seeing no results yet.
• Kids Mother filed for change of custody
• Went to court - Mother wasn't prepared therefore was awarded a continuance
• As of today we have let our lawyer {who we really like} go b/c we can't afford him anymore. 

The last point might be the most shocking to most of you. After much conversation, Tim and I decided that we simply cannot continue on with a lawyer. We simply cannot afford it. For those of you that don't know, Child Custody cases tend to be some of the most expensive court cases. If I disclosed to you how much we have been billed so far you wouldn't be able to pick your jaw up off the floor. 

I know that a lot of you are asking, "So what will happen to the kids?". And very frankly, we don't know. If their Mother continues with the petition for change of custody and the Judge accepts the petition, then we will represent ourselves in court. We will be the defendants, therefore it is her burden to prove "a substantial change in circumstances" since the kids moved here. We would only have to state facts about the kids living with us. Which would not be hard for us to do. I make notes about everything.  

On the other hand, the Judge could rule in her favor. That would mean that the kids go back to El Dorado. To be 100% honest, we would just have to live with that {and we don't think that would happen}. 

Our mission from day one has always been to make sure that these 3 kids become healthy {physically and mentally}, successful, productive, independent adults that can go to college and make it in this world. But we have been undermined and sabotaged every step of the way by their Mother and by them. Something will has to change.    

I truly wish that one person I know {and know well} could come live in my house for a week just so I know that I'm not crazy. Beard and I both are so overwhelmed that we are almost at a standstill {if that makes sense}. But, there are truths that we know.......and that do encourage us along the way when we remember them. :)

GOD IS GOOD. We know this. This is the only promise that we know is true right now and that we can cling to. It is hard to believe at times. It is hard to understand that He is has a plan. Everything feels so chaotic and out of control. "But God....."

I was reading in Lamentations chapter 3 this morning and the author writes:

"..though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the

abundance of his steadfast love;

for he does not willingly afflict or grieve

the children of men." v.32-33  

This passage brings so many days of my life into view. Verse 17, "I have forgotten what happiness is;" -- This is me!! There are so many times that I think about Memphis and Tim & I living in our little house by the park. We were so happy. I was so happy! I think of our friends, family and all the relationships we had/have in Memphis. I wonder so often if our situation right now would be any easier if we were back home. My heart aches to be back in Memphis. But there must be a reason the Lord wants me here. I just haven't figured out what that reason is yet. :) There is one thing I do know...I have hope because in verse 21 he says, "But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope;" and we all know what verses 22-24 say,

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning; 

great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion" says my soul,

therefore I will hope in him."

I am learning, and it is definitely a process, that the "but" in verse 21 is the probably the most important part of this chapter. It is the turning point, the climax of the chapter. This tells me to REMEMBER God's promises! I need to remember what he has done for me in the past. I need remember what I have seen him do for others. In spite of the lion that is lying in wait for me, this I call to mind and have hope, GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS! God is so much bigger than I ever give him credit for. 

I want to end with a request. Please pray for our family. Please pray that God will lead us in His Will. Pray for protection over the kids. And please pray for the softening of our hearts so they may not be harden by the evil that is taking place around us. 

We love you, dear family and friends, and we miss you dearly. 

"If I venture forth alone I stumble and fall,

but on the beloved's arms I am firm as the eternal hills;

Be thou my arm to support,

my strength to stand, my light to see,

my feet to run, my shield to protect,

my sword to repel, my sun to warm."

~Valley of Vision 

by His Amazing Grace

sh

A Good Snow Day

True to form, our weather here in the South has been bizarre and unpredictable. Not even 2 weeks ago we had temperatures in the 60's and now we are in the 20's, with snow and sleet. However, we are very used to these kinds of changes, since we have grown up here in the South; I have to say, I love it! My body doesn't love it as much though. :)
The Beard took off work a little early yesterday so he could come home and play in the sleet and snow with the kids and me. We had a great time! Some might call us rednecks, but I must say.....Don't knock it, until to you try it! :)

by His Grace,
Sh

First Spring Outing

While much of the Northeast has been experiencing the worst winter weather they have seen in years and, here in Arkansas, we have been experiencing unseasonably warm weather. Therefore, we took advantage of this beautiful weather this past Saturday and got the dogs out of the house and out of the backyard!!
We live 4.9 miles from the Saline River. There is a "park" and boat ramp smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood {welcome to AR} where the water is shallow and clear. Last summer the Beard and I took Delta and Silver out on the boat and found a sand bar/island not far from the boat ramp. It was perfect!! This year, we took all 4 dogs and Nikole! Titus and Maya were so excited they were threatening to jump off the boat while it was moving! :)  Here are some pictures from our day. Enjoy!!

Titus and Delta surveying their new playground! 

Nikole attempting to keep Silver warm on the boat ride

The ever dramatic, Delta!!

Sweet Titus...look at that smile! 

I still think Maya, is the most photogenic of my pups. She'll be 9 yrs old on the 14th.  

 Delta making a splash! 

 Maya's still got it {at 63 yrs old}! ;)

By His Grace,
SH

Our Couches

I have recently become a temporary stay at home step-mother and wife. The dogs are loving this! We have crate-trained our 3 labs ever since they were puppies. Maya for 9 years, Titus for 8 years, and Delta for 5 years (in March). They still sleep in their kennels at night and they stay in their kennels when we leave the house, but during the day now they are free. And boy are they happy about it. I think as they are all getting older and settling down (mainly Delta), they are wanting more cushion to lay their weary bones upon throughout the day. Plus, it doesn't hurt that they get to follow me around the house as I do whatever chores I have planned for the day.

However, I feel like at times we have created little monsters.....they think they own the place now!

There are so many captions that could be put with this picture below. Sweet Silver over on the right has the best look on her face! When I look at this picture I think of puppy paws and dog ears. :)